Many years ago I noticed a neighbour’s fingers looked weird. Just days before I had come across “nail clubbing” on wikipedia as a symptom of lung disease. Her nails looked exactly like that. Not being a doctor I didn’t have the heart to tell her this could be a sign of a serious disease and that she should go and see a doctor…I don’t know why I didn’t say anything. I really should have. We lost touch, but a while later I heard she was diagnosed with lung cancer and shortly thereafter died from it because it had been discovered too late.
I feel so guilty. Had I told her to see a doctor she probably would have been diagnosed earlier and still be alife today. I feel like I am responsible for her death.
What does Sikhi say about this, how do I deal with guilt? It’s eating me up, I can’t stop thinking about it and feel guilt and shame. Is there anything I can / should do? Other than avoiding being such a coward ever again if I see a situation where I need to say something. I am ashamed of my cowardice but it’s so hard for me to muster the courage to speak up even today, many years later, but it is definitely something I am working on these days. I need to learn to live with it I guess. But how?
I am not a Sikh (I don’t consider myself as a member of any religion but I believe in god) but got in touch with your beautiful religion a few months ago and it has touched my very heart, like coming home, so I would love to hear your advice.
Respected Brother/Sister,
Waheguru ji ka Khalsa Waheguru ji ki Fateh!
The undersigned feels that there is no reason for you to feel guilty because you yourself didn’t know that ‘nail clubbing’ was a sign of a lung disease and you came to know know about it very recently. Moreover, everything is in Akalpurakh’s Hukam! So. don’t feel guilty and take it that the lady died in His Hukam.
Regards,
Your Brother
ਵੀਰ ਜੀ ,
ਜੇਕਰ ਕੋਈ ਜਾਣਬੁੱਝ ਗਲਤੀ ਕਰਦਾ ਹੈ ਉਹ ਕਦੀ ਪਛਤਾਵਾ ਨਹੀਂ ਕਰਦਾ
ਤੁਸੀਂ ਸੋਚਦੇ ਹੋ ਕਿ ਜੇਕਰ ਮੈਂ ਦੱਸ ਦੇਂਦਾ ਤਾਂ ਸ਼ਾਇਦ ਬਚਾਅ ਹੋ ਜਾਂਦਾ!
ਪਰ ਇਹ ਵੀ ਆਪ ਦਾ ਵਹਿਮ ਹੈ। ਜਿਸ ਇਨਸਾਨ ਦੀ ਜਿਵੇਂ ਲਿਖੀ ਗਈ ਹੋਣਾ ਉਸ ਤਰ੍ਹਾਂ ਹੀ ਹੈ।
ਗੁਰੂ ਅਰਜਨ ਦੇਵ ਜੀ ਨੂੰ ਪਤਾ ਸੀ ਕਿ ਸਾਡੀ ਸ਼ਹਾਦਤ ਹੋਣੀਂ ਹੈ ਲੇਕਿਨ ਫਿਰ ਵੀ ਲਾਹੋਰ ਗਏ
ਗੁਰੂ ਤੇਗ ਬਹਾਦਰ ਜੀ ਨੂੰ ਪਤਾ ਸੀ ਕਿ ਸਾਡੀ ਸ਼ਹਾਦਤ ਹੋਣੀਂ ਹੈ ਲੇਕਿਨ ਫਿਰ ਵੀ ਦਿੱਲੀ ਸੀਸ ਦੇਣ ਲਈ ਗਏ
Thank you so much for your reply. No, I DID know that nail clubbing was a sign of lung disease. I had read about it just days before I saw my neighbour’s fingers. That’s why I feel so guilty. I was too much of a coward to tell her.
Respected Brother/Sister,
Waheguru ji ka Khalsa, Waheguru ji ki Fateh!
According to the teachings of Sri Guru Granth Sahib,we the human beings are not perfect and all of us are imperfect. Only Akalpurakh and the Guru are perfect. Therefore, instead of feeling guilty, you can seek forgiveness from Him and He will forgive you because He loves all His children. I don’t know whether you can read Gurmukhi or not but what has been written below means that even though a child may makes many mistakes but if he sincerely seeks forgiveness, He not only forgives him but embraces him:-
ਜੈਸਾ ਬਾਲਕੁ ਭਾਇ ਸੁਭਾਈ ਲਖ ਅਪਰਾਧ ਕਮਾਵੈ ॥ ਕਰਿ ਉਪਦੇਸੁ ਝਿੜਕੇ ਬਹੁ ਭਾਤੀ ਬਹੁੜਿ ਪਿਤਾ ਗਲਿ ਲਾਵੈ ॥ ਪਿਛਲੇ ਅਉਗੁਣ ਬਖਸਿ ਲਏ ਪ੍ਰਭੁ ਆਗੈ ਮਾਰਗਿ ਪਾਵੈ ॥੨॥ (ਪੰਨਾ 624)
ਅਰਥ: ਹੇ ਭਾਈ! ਜਿਵੇਂ ਕੋਈ ਬੱਚਾ ਆਪਣੀ ਲਗਨ ਅਨੁਸਾਰ ਸੁਭਾਵ ਅਨੁਸਾਰ ਲੱਖਾਂ ਗ਼ਲਤੀਆਂ ਕਰਦਾ ਹੈ, ਉਸ ਦਾ ਪਿਉ ਉਸ ਨੂੰ ਸਿੱਖਿਆ ਦੇ ਦੇ ਕੇ ਕਈ ਤਰੀਕਿਆਂ ਨਾਲ ਝਿੜਕਦਾ ਭੀ ਹੈ, ਪਰ ਫਿਰ ਆਪਣੇ ਗਲ ਨਾਲ (ਉਸ ਨੂੰ) ਲਾ ਲੈਂਦਾ ਹੈ, ਇਸੇ ਤਰ੍ਹਾਂ ਪ੍ਰਭੂ-ਪਿਤਾ ਭੀ ਜੀਵਾਂ ਦੇ ਪਿਛਲੇ ਗੁਨਾਹ ਬਖ਼ਸ਼ ਲੈਂਦਾ ਹੈ, ਤੇ ਅਗਾਂਹ ਵਾਸਤੇ (ਜੀਵਨ ਦੇ) ਠੀਕ ਰਸਤੇ ਉਤੇ ਪਾ ਦੇਂਦਾ ਹੈ।੧।
Further, if there is any scope to help the children or family of the lady, in any way, it will be all the more better. If you have any further questions, please do ask.
Regards,
Your Brother
Thank you so much for your kind reply dear sir.
One more question…is there any advice on how to become less of a coward.
Maybe a mantra I can use during meditation?
Respected Brother/Sister,
Waheguru ji ka Khalsa, Waheguru ji ki Fateh!
You have asked for a mantra to become less of a coward. Gurbani doesn’t provide a mantra but teaches a way to change one’s life to overcome the shortcoming. I don’t know whether you can read Gurmukhi or not but in the Gurbani quoted below the Guru is teaching that to get rid of cowardice one is not to live life as his/her mind (ਮਨ) drives him but live life as per teachings of Guru Sahib. The Guru’s first and foremost teaching is to leave the life of falsehood and become truthful. So, you can take clue from it and change your life appropriately. If you have any further questions please do ask.
Regards,
Your Brother
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ਸਲੋਕ ਮਃ ੩ ॥ ਮਨਮੁਖੁ ਕਾਇਰੁ ਕਰੂਪੁ ਹੈ ਬਿਨੁ ਨਾਵੈ ਨਕੁ ਨਾਹਿ ॥ ਅਨਦਿਨੁ ਧੰਧੈ ਵਿਆਪਿਆ ਸੁਪਨੈ ਭੀ ਸੁਖੁ ਨਾਹਿ ॥ ਨਾਨਕ ਗੁਰਮੁਖਿ ਹੋਵਹਿ ਤਾ ਉਬਰਹਿ ਨਾਹਿ ਤ ਬਧੇ ਦੁਖ ਸਹਾਹਿ ॥੧॥ {ਪੰਨਾ 591}
ਅਰਥ: ਮਨ ਦੇ ਅਧੀਨ ਮਨੁੱਖ ਡਰਾਕਲ ਤੇ ਬੇ-ਸ਼ਕਲ ਹੁੰਦਾ ਹੈ, ਨਾਮ ਤੋਂ ਬਿਨਾ ਕਿਤੇ ਉਸ ਨੂੰ ਆਦਰ ਨਹੀਂ ਮਿਲਦਾ; ਹਰ ਵੇਲੇ ਮਾਇਆ ਦੇ ਕਜ਼ੀਏ ਵਿਚ ਰੁੱਝਾ ਰਹਿੰਦਾ ਹੈ ਤੇ (ਏਸ ਕਰ ਕੇ) ਉਸ ਨੂੰ ਸੁਪਨੇ ਵਿਚ ਭੀ ਸੁਖ ਨਹੀਂ ਹੁੰਦਾ। ਹੇ ਨਾਨਕ! ਮਨਮੁਖ ਮਨੁੱਖ ਜੇ ਸਤਿਗੁਰੂ ਦੇ ਸਨਮੁਖ ਹੋ ਜਾਣ ਤਾਂ (ਜੰਜਾਲ ਤੋਂ) ਬਚ ਜਾਂਦੇ ਹਨ, ਨਹੀਂ ਤਾਂ (ਮਾਇਆ ਦੇ ਮੋਹ ਵਿਚ) ਬੱਧੇ ਹੋਏ ਦੁੱਖ ਸਹਿੰਦੇ ਹਨ।੧।