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Home/ Questions/Q 262594
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Asked: March 23, 20262026-03-23T12:51:16+00:00 2026-03-23T12:51:16+00:00In: Kids

Daughter feeling difficulty is managing very long and heavy hair..so does not want to keep it

Anonymous
Anonymous

waheguru ji ka khalsa waheguru ji ki fateh. please help me how do I convince my daughter to keep her long hair. She is unwilling to keep it and unwilling to follow sikhi..while she was little..we as parents helped her do gurbani path and took her to gurdwara..But after personal clashes, we parents have separated and daughter has lost faith in religion. While, I , her mother still amritdhari and follow sikhi but she does not want to do it..she is just 15 years old..I tried to convince her that she will keep fighting with God if she does anything with her hair(after reading posts from here) and also told her how important it is to keep one’s hair in sikhi as guru told us so but she is fixed on her opinion..please suggest what to do..

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    1. ਕੁਲਵਿੰਦਰ ਸਿੰਘ
      ਕੁਲਵਿੰਦਰ ਸਿੰਘ
      2026-04-01T03:34:37+00:00Added an answer on April 1, 2026 at 3:34 am

      Please click on this link and read this book:

      https://acrobat.adobe.com/id/urn:aaid:sc:AP:7b23450f-ffab-4797-b03b-e7ed5165c741

      This will make Gurmat more clear to you. If you have any further questions, please do ask.

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    2. ਕੁਲਵਿੰਦਰ ਸਿੰਘ
      ਕੁਲਵਿੰਦਰ ਸਿੰਘ
      2026-03-23T17:26:55+00:00Added an answer on March 23, 2026 at 5:26 pm

      Respected Brother,
      Waheguru ji ka Khalsa, Waheguru ji ki Fateh!

      In response to your question about your young daughter losing faith in Sikhi, the undersigned wants to say that, as admitted by you yourself, you and your wife, though being Amritdhari, have not followed the teachings of Guru Granth Sahib and hence failed in playing the role, which you both were required to play.

      In bringing up the children, the main role is of parents in whose company the children remain, in the childhood, and even after going for studies.

      Please note that in Sikhism, marriage is called ‘Anand Karaj’ and significant spiritual and religious importance is attached to this act.

      It is not merely a physical and legal contract but a sacrament, a union of two souls. The spiritual goal of any Sikh is to merge his or her soul (Atma) with God (Akalpurakh) and in marriage, the couple vow to help each other, towards this goal.

      With the example of a worldly marriage, performed on a material plane, between a man and a woman, the Guru Granth Sahib explains in the four ‘Laavaan’, (Pannas 773-774 of Guru Granth Sahib), as to how one can join (marry or link) with the Higher Consciousness within.

      Thus, marriage, in the Sikh Way of life, is supposed to be an unbreakable Spiritual Union or Unity of two minds into one. Unity between wife and husband’s mind (i.e. thinking-Soch) provides constancy, faithfulness, dependability, reliability, loyalty, fidelity, firmness, true love, companionship or friendship, strength to endure, and resistance to disintegration of the entire family. Thus it provides stability for the entire family.

      Guru Amar Daas Jee in Raag Soohee highlights this required Unity as follows: –

      ਧਨ ਪਿਰੁ ਏਹਿ ਨ ਆਖੀਅਨਿ ਬਹਨਿ ਇਕਠੇ ਹੋਇ ॥ ਏਕ ਜੋਤਿ ਦੁਇ ਮੂਰਤੀ ਧਨ ਪਿਰੁ ਕਹੀਐ ਸੋਇ ॥ ॥੩॥ (ਪੰਨਾ 788) ਅਰਥਾਤ ਜੋ (ਸਿਰਫ਼ ਸਰੀਰਕ ਤੌਰ ਤੇ) ਰਲ ਕੇ ਬਹਿਣ ਉਹਨਾਂ ਨੂੰ ਅਸਲ ਇਸਤ੍ਰੀ ਖਸਮ ਨਹੀਂ ਆਖੀਦਾ; ਜਿਨ੍ਹਾਂ ਦੇ ਦੋਹਾਂ ਜਿਸਮਾਂ ਵਿਚ ਇੱਕੋ ਆਤਮਾ ਹੋ ਜਾਏ ਉਹ ਹੈ ਇਸਤ੍ਰੀ ਤੇ ਉਹ ਹੈ ਪਤੀ।੩।

      Thus Anand Karaj is a means to learn helping each other, to attain together a balanced life of self-fulfillment, Spiritual Upliftment and Self-knowledge, leading to a purposeful life.

      As per teachings of Guru Granth Sahib, the importance of Family life is that both husband and wife first become Gurmukhs themselves and live their lives, as per teachings of Guru Granth Sahib, and then try their best to ensure that their children also become Gurmukhs, so that the life of children also becomes successful. In this manner, the parents can play a major role in any child’s life.

      Those parents who don’t follow the teachings of Guru Granth Sahib and follow their mind are called Manmukhs. They remain stuck in material world all their lives, die spiritual death, every now and then, and finally waste away not only their own valuable lives but of their children as well.

      Therefore , the only possible solution of your daughter’s problem can be that, you both bury your differences, again come together, and become Gurmukhs yourselves.

      Since your daughter is quite grown up, it may be a difficult proposition that she may change her decision but with His blessings, there may be a change in your daughter’s heart as well.

      Hope it helps. If you have any further questions, please do ask. If you find any deficiencies, please point out the same for improvement in future.

      Regards,
      Your Brother

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      • Anonymouse
        Anonymouse
        2026-03-24T02:15:05+00:00Replied to answer on March 24, 2026 at 2:15 am

        Veerji, thank you for your reply. I did everything I could to live together. But my husband did domestic violence with me and daughter. And did everything to torture us. So, both me and daughter don’t want to live with him. We both and suffered a lot health wise and also mentally. Specially, daughter has suffered a lot mentally for last few years at the young age when were together.

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        • ਕੁਲਵਿੰਦਰ ਸਿੰਘ
          ਕੁਲਵਿੰਦਰ ਸਿੰਘ
          2026-03-24T05:28:14+00:00Replied to answer on March 24, 2026 at 5:28 am
          This answer was edited.

          Bhen ji, the undersigned is very sorry to learn the ordeal through which you and your young daughter have gone through. You will have to convince your daughter that because of mistakes of her father, the teachings of Guru Granth Sahib don’t go wrong because:

          ਭੁਲਣ ਅੰਦਰਿ ਸਭੁ ਕੋ ਅਭੁਲੁ ਗੁਰੂ ਕਰਤਾਰੁ ॥

          ਤੂ ਕਰਤਾ ਆਪਿ ਅਭੁਲੁ ਹੈ ਭੁਲਣ ਵਿਚਿ ਨਾਹੀ ॥

          ਭੁਲਣ ਵਿਚਿ ਕੀਆ ਸਭੁ ਕੋਈ ਕਰਤਾ ਆਪਿ ਨ ਭੁਲੈ ॥

          Also, in what way it will help if she cuts her Kesh and goes away from Sikhi? You yourself have to become strong and will have to convince your daughter to become strong. By doing this the physical and mental health of both of you will improve. The circumstances demand so and if you don’t do it, you will continue to suffer.

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          • ਕੁਲਵਿੰਦਰ ਸਿੰਘ
            ਕੁਲਵਿੰਦਰ ਸਿੰਘ
            2026-03-24T05:35:25+00:00Replied to answer on March 24, 2026 at 5:35 am
            This answer was edited.

            Respected Sister,
            Waheguru ji ka Khalsa, Waheguru ji ki Fateh!

            The undersigned further wants to say that about difficulties in life suffering/sorrow/sadness/ distress/ agony/grief/pain etc. and well being/delight/ pleasure/happiness etc. (ਦੁੱਖ ਤੇ ਸੁੱਖ), Guru Sahib guides us that the suffering and well being are like a person changing clothes and, as per Divine Law (ਹੁਕਮ/ਰਜ਼ਾ/ਭਾਣਾ), their cycles will continue to come in life and one should remain in Chardi Kala and bear the same, without any ifs and buts:-

            ਮਃ ੧ ॥ ਨਾਨਕ ਬੋਲਣੁ ਝਖਣਾ ਦੁਖ ਛਡਿ ਮੰਗੀਅਹਿ ਸੁਖ ॥ ਸੁਖੁ ਦੁਖੁ ਦੁਇ ਦਰਿ ਕਪੜੇ ਪਹਿਰਹਿ ਜਾਇ ਮਨੁਖ ॥ ਜਿਥੈ ਬੋਲਣਿ ਹਾਰੀਐ ਤਿਥੈ ਚੰਗੀ ਚੁਪ ॥੨॥ {ਪੰਨਾ 149}

            ਅਰਥ: ਹੇ ਨਾਨਕ! (ਇਹ ਜੋ) ਦੁਖ ਛੱਡ ਕੇ ਸੁਖ ਪਏ ਮੰਗਦੇ ਹਨ, ਅਜੇਹਾ ਬੋਲਣਾ ਸਿਰ ਖਪਾਈ ਹੀ ਹੈ, ਸੁਖ ਤੇ ਦੁਖ ਦੋਵੇਂ ਪ੍ਰਭੂ ਦੇ ਦਰ ਤੋਂ ਕੱਪੜੇ ਮਿਲੇ ਹੋਏ ਹਨ ਜੋ, ਮਨੁੱਖ ਜਨਮ ਲੈ ਕੇ ਇਥੇ ਪਹਿਨਦੇ ਹਨ (ਭਾਵ, ਦੁੱਖਾਂ ਦੇ ਸੁਖਾਂ ਤੇ ਚੱਕਰ ਹਰੇਕ ਉੱਤੇ ਆਉਂਦੇ ਹੀ ਰਹਿੰਦੇ ਹਨ) ; ਸੋ ਜਿਸ ਦੇ ਸਾਹਮਣੇ ਇਤਰਾਜ਼ ਗਿਲਾ ਕੀਤਿਆਂ (ਅੰਤ) ਹਾਰ ਹੀ ਮੰਨਣੀ ਪੈਂਦੀ ਹੈ ਓਥੇ ਚੁੱਪ ਰਹਿਣਾ ਹੀ ਚੰਗਾ ਹੈ (ਭਾਵ ਰਜ਼ਾ ਵਿਚ ਤੁਰਨਾ ਸਭ ਤੋਂ ਚੰਗਾ ਹੈ) ।2।

            ————-

            ਦੁਖ ਸੁਖ ਦੋਊ ਸਮ ਕਰਿ ਜਾਨੈ ਬੁਰਾ ਭਲਾ ਸੰਸਾਰ ॥ (ਪੰਨਾ 1256)

            ਅਰਥ: ‘ਉਹ ਮਨੁੱਖ ਦੁਖਾਂ ਸੁਖਾਂ ਨੂੰ ਇਕੋ ਜਿਹਾ ਜਾਣਦਾ ਹੈ, ਜਗਤ ਵਲੋਂ ਮਿਲਦੇ ਚੰਗੇ ਮੰਦੇ ਸਲੂਕ ਨੂੰ ਭੀ ਬਰਾਬਰ ਜਾਣ ਕੇ ਹੀ ਸਹਾਰਦਾ ਹੈ (ਇਹ ਸਭ ਕੁਝ ਹਰਿ-ਨਾਮ ਦੀ ਬਰਕਤਿ ਹੈ।

            In view of the above teachings of Guru Granth Sahib, please submit to the Divine Law (ਹੁਕਮ/ਰਜ਼ਾ/ਭਾਣਾ) and remain in Chardi Kala, by seeking blessings of Akalpurakh through Ardas. Once you remain in Chardi Kala, you will stop wasting your time to think whether the suffering, in your life, was due to your deeds (Karma) or due to someone else’s deeds (Karma). Please keep a note that after every night, the day is bound to come.

            Hope it helps. If you have any further questions, please do ask. If you find any deficiencies, please point out the same, for improvement in future.

            Regards,

            Your Brother .

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            • ਕੁਲਵਿੰਦਰ ਸਿੰਘ
              ਕੁਲਵਿੰਦਰ ਸਿੰਘ
              2026-03-24T05:56:06+00:00Replied to answer on March 24, 2026 at 5:56 am
              This answer was edited.

              Please see this short movie to understand the difficulties the people have to go through life. After this, the undersigned will post second part of the movie in which you will be able to see that how a young child tries to come out of difficulties, faced by the family, without compromising on Sikhi Principles.

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            • ਕੁਲਵਿੰਦਰ ਸਿੰਘ
              ਕੁਲਵਿੰਦਰ ਸਿੰਘ
              2026-03-24T05:57:40+00:00Replied to answer on March 24, 2026 at 5:57 am

              Second part of the short movie.

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            • ਕੁਲਵਿੰਦਰ ਸਿੰਘ
              ਕੁਲਵਿੰਦਰ ਸਿੰਘ
              2026-03-24T07:02:25+00:00Replied to answer on March 24, 2026 at 7:02 am

              The videos don’t seem to be working in the APP. Please got to YouTube and search Satdeep Singh movies. Then see Chaabi and Chaabi Part 2. The movies are based on a real life story.

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            • Anonymouse
              Anonymouse
              2026-03-27T15:19:53+00:00Replied to answer on March 27, 2026 at 3:19 pm

              veerji, I have seen the movies and it has motivated me. daughter has not yet seen it. As she was unwilling to listen to anything about sikhi, I cannot show it to her as of now. But something good has also happened. I offered her help in managing her hair till she lives with me and she has agreed to it. The thought of changing her religion or giving up on sikhi is still there in her mind. But I will keep trying my best as much as I can to convince her. Also I am trying to improve upon myself.

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            • Anonymouse
              Anonymouse
              2026-03-24T11:12:46+00:00Replied to answer on March 24, 2026 at 11:12 am

              Thank you veerji.

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            • ਕੁਲਵਿੰਦਰ ਸਿੰਘ
              ਕੁਲਵਿੰਦਰ ਸਿੰਘ
              2026-03-28T01:02:55+00:00Replied to answer on March 28, 2026 at 1:02 am
              This answer was edited.

              ਅਰਦਾਸ ਹੈ ਕਿ ਅਕਾਲਪੁਰਖ ਆਪਣਾ ਮਿਹਰ ਭਰਿਆ ਹੱਥ ਤੁਹਾਡੇ ਤੇ ਤੁਹਾਡੀ ਬੇਟੀ ਦੇ ਸਿਰ ਤੇ ਰੱਖ ਕੇ ਤੁਹਾਨੂੰ ਠੀਕ ਰਾਹ ਦਿਖਾਉਣ ਤੇ ਤੁਹਾਨੂੰ ਚੜ੍ਹਦੀ ਕਲ੍ਹਾ ਬਖਸ਼ਣ!

              ਤੁਹਾਨੂੰ ਇੱਕ ਹੋਰ ਸਲਾਹ ਹੈ ਕਿ ਬੇਟੀ ਨੂੰ ਦੋ ਫ਼ਿਲਮਾਂ ‘CHAAR SAHIBZAADE’ AND CHAAR SAHIBZAADE 2 – RISE OF BANDA SINGH BAHADUR’ ਆਪ ਵੀ ਦੇਖੋ ਤੇ ਆਪਣੀ ਬੇਟੀ ਨੂੰ ਵੀ ਦਿਖਾਓ। ਕੀ ਛੋਟੇ ਸਾਹਿਬਜ਼ਾਦਿਆਂ ਤੇ ਬਾਬਾ ਬੰਦਾ ਸਿੰਘ ਬਹਾਦਰ ਨੇ ਸਿੱਖੀ ਛੱਡੀ?

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            • ਕੁਲਵਿੰਦਰ ਸਿੰਘ
              ਕੁਲਵਿੰਦਰ ਸਿੰਘ
              2026-03-28T01:27:41+00:00Replied to answer on March 28, 2026 at 1:27 am
              This answer was edited.

              This is about sacrifice of Baba Banda Singh Bahadur’s 700+ companions, who were butchered in March 1716 in Delhi. Not even a single Sikh forsake Sikhi.
              —————–
              EXECUTION OF 700 + SIKHS, ARRESTED ALONG WITH BABA BANDA SINGH BAHADUR, IN MARCH, 1716, AT DELHI

              The execution of the Sikhs began on the 22nd Rabi-ulAwwal, 1128 (5th March, 1716, O.S.), under the supervision of Sarbrah Khan Kotwal, opposite the Chabutra Kotwali or police station on the side of the Tripolia.

              One hundred of the Sikh prisoners were taken out oftheir prison every day and were seated in lines in the Qatalgah, or the place. of execution, with blacksmiths kept ready in attendance on the executioners to sharpen their swords.

              “Life was promised to anyone who would renunce his faith, but they would not prove false to their Gurus and ‘to the last it has not been found that one apostatised from this new formed religion,’ write Surman and Stephenson. The Sikhs welcomed death with undaunted spirit, presented their heads to the executioners with cheerful faces, and, with the words ‘Wahiguru! Wahiguru! on their lips, they joyfully gave up their lives amidst the wondering praise ofthe populace. At the time of execution their constancy was wonderful to look at, and ‘Me Deliverer! kill me first!!’ was the joyful prayer that constantly rang in the ears of the executioner.

              ‘All observers, Indian and European,’ says Irvine,’ unite in remarking on the wonderful patience and resolution with which these men met their fate. Their attachment and devotion to their leader were wonderful to behold. They had no fear of death, and they called the executioner Mukta, or the Deliverer.’ ‘But what is singular’, writes Ghulam Hussain Khan, the author of the Siyar-ul-Mutakherin, ‘ *these people not only behaved firmly during the execution, but they would dispute and wrangle with each other for priority in execution and they made interest with and entreated the executioner for that purpose.

              For a whole week the sword of the executioner did its butcher’s work and in this manner all the Sikh prisoners were beheaded. After the heads had been severed from the bodies, the bodies were thrown into a heap, and at night-fall they were loaded in carts, taken out ofthe city and hung up on the trees. Mirza Muhammad Harisi, the author of the Ibrat Namah, writes that he had been to the scene of execution on the 23rd Rabi-ul-Awwal, the second day, to see the tamasha-i-qatal (the slaughter show), but he arrived there at a time when slaughter for that day was over and bodies were still lying there in blood and dust in the burning heat ofthe sun.

              Many wonderful stories of the unshaken constancy and the whole-hearted devotion of the Sikh prisoners to their faith and their leader were then told.* Some of them were so wonderful that those who were not eye-witnesses to them were inclined to dismiss them as incredible, says Khafi Khan. But the following is recorded by him in his Muntakhib-ul-Lubab, p. ii. 766. as ‘what he saw with his own eyes.’

              *Among the prisoners sentenced to death was a Sikh youth of tender age. He was the only son of a widowed mother. He had only recently been married and as yet had the Kangan-i-Arusi, the marriage thread, on his wrist. Hearing of the impending doom of her son with the other prisoners, the old mother approached Ratan Chand, Diwan of the Wazir, and through his influential support, pleaded the cause of her son with great feeling and earnestness before the Emperor Farrukh Siyar and Sayyed Abdullah Khan. To avail ofthe Emperor’s general offer to spare the lives of those who renounced the Sikh faith, the old woman, probably as tutored by Diwan Ratan Chand, represented that her son was only a prisoner in the hands ofthe Sikhs and was not a follower of the Gurus. He was brought here, she said, while in their captivity and now stood innocent among those condemned to death. Farrukh Siyar commiserated the old woman and sent an officer with orders to release the youth. The woman arrived with the order of release just as the executioner was standing with the bloody sword over that young man’s head. She presented the order for his release to the Kotwal. He brought out the prisoner and told him he was free. But the boy refused to be released, says Khafi Khan, and loudly cried out:*

              *’My mother is a liar. I am heart and soul a devoted follower of the Gurus. Send me quickly after my companions’. No bewailing cries and tearful entreaties of his old mother and no persuasion of the State officers, writes the author of the Tarikh-iMuhammad Shahi, could shake the young Sikh in his devotion to his faith. The spectators were further dumb founded when the heroic boy retraced his steps back to the place of execution and calmly bowed his head before the executioner to meet his death. In an instant the executioner’s sword went aloft and descended on the frail neck of the youth, and he ‘was enrolled among the truest of the martyrs produced by the Sikh religion.’*

              On the 27th Rabi-ul-Awwal, 1128 (9th March, 1716, O.S.), Sarbrah Khan Kotwal conveyed, under the Emperor’s orders, seventeen of Banda Singh’s Ahalkars, or principal men, into the fort. For three months after the massacre there was a lull, and Banda Singh and his companions remained confined in the Imperial Fort. The object of this confinement and the three months’ delay in the execution of the Sikh Chief and his deputies is explained in the letter, dated Delhi, the 10th March, 1716, from Messrs John Surman and Edward Stephenson, the members of the English Embassy to Emperor Farrukh Siyar, to the Honourable Robert Hedges, President and Governor of Fort William. ‘He at present’, the ambassadors reported, ‘has his life prolonged with most of his Mutsuddys in hope assisted him, when afterwards he will be executed.’ And, it was not till June 19th, that he was led out to execution and subjected to a death of torture.

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            • ਕੁਲਵਿੰਦਰ ਸਿੰਘ
              ਕੁਲਵਿੰਦਰ ਸਿੰਘ
              2026-03-24T16:45:22+00:00Replied to answer on March 24, 2026 at 4:45 pm
              This answer was edited.

              Bhen ji, there is nothing to be thankful for. Hope you have seen the short movies and shown to your daughter also. These movies will give you lot of moral strength

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            • Anonymouse
              Anonymouse
              2026-03-28T10:54:18+00:00Replied to answer on March 28, 2026 at 10:54 am

              veerji, if you could advise me some book (english or punjabi) that explains how do we impart practical knowledge and logical reasoning and actual life benefits of sikhi to teenagers about sikhi values and scientific reasons behind it..it would be of great help to me. I have read some books of bhai veer singh ji and really inspired by it..even my daughter has listened the story of satwant kaur from me when she was 8 year old and has seen both the chaar sahibzade movie multiple times when she was even younger but in all these last some years of teenage..she has totally changed and has developed her own thought process.

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            • ਕੁਲਵਿੰਦਰ ਸਿੰਘ
              ਕੁਲਵਿੰਦਰ ਸਿੰਘ
              2026-03-28T13:28:55+00:00Replied to answer on March 28, 2026 at 1:28 pm
              This answer was edited.

              Please click on the link below and see if the books available can help your daughter:

              https://www.hemkunt2.org/books/

              I will like to send you pdf of a very good book, of Hemkunt Foundation, which is not listed in the books available on the link. But I don’t know how to send the same.

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            • Anonymouse
              Anonymouse
              2026-03-29T13:37:44+00:00Replied to answer on March 29, 2026 at 1:37 pm

              veerji, you can send me pdf by uploading it on Google drive and make the file permission as ‘anyone with the link’ and post the link here.

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            • ਕੁਲਵਿੰਦਰ ਸਿੰਘ
              ਕੁਲਵਿੰਦਰ ਸਿੰਘ
              2026-03-29T15:45:39+00:00Replied to answer on March 29, 2026 at 3:45 pm

              Tried but the APP does not allow.

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